Narrow my Eyes

Tragedy can serve to bring us to center.    

Father, I pray over the lives and hearts of those who are grieving today.  Those who are distracted from You.  I pray that we will all narrow our eyes to You :)

Narrow my Eyes to You

Psalm 71:2-3

Verse 1

White noise distracting from the truth

Never getting the chance to know the real you

Masking The path which lights my way

Finding it difficult to strengthen my Faith

Chorus

Rescue me deliver me

turn to me and save me

My Rock of Refuge

to which I can always go

Give the command to save me

my rock and fortress evermore

verse 2

Roles of opportunity seeking to restrain

distractions of this world THAT bring me fear and pain

The evidence of sin so great

Only Grace on a Cross could lift this weight

Chorus

Rescue me deliver me

turn to me and save me

My Rock of Refuge

to which I can always go

Give the command to save me

my rock and fortress evermore

Bridge

Jesus help me to narrow my eyes to You

Give me tunnel vision

To help me clear my view

I do not need a reason

The Cross is my only truth

Chorus

My Rock of Refuge

to which I can always go

Give the command to save me

my rock and fortress

my rock and fortress

my rock and fortress

Evermore

Eve Harrell ©

2012

To Live or to Die

My heart is heavy this morning.  Over the last week I have heard four different unrelated stories of people choosing to end their lives.  People who have a seemingly great life, people with family, people whom you would never imagine would / could just give up.

So today I ponder this question:  "Why?"

What could bring a person to this point?  Is it fear?  Anxiety?  Uncertainty?  To be able to leave everything behind, everyone they loved behind . . . I just cannot understand it.

I had a student ask me, "What happens to a Christian who commits suicide?" And the honest truth is I really just don't know.  My answer was that we give that person to God, ask for His Perfect Mercy and pray for them.  In the meantime, asking God to give us peace to be able to let go.  I hope that was the right answer.

What I do know is that God has made several promises to us:

Romans 10:13 - "For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

I Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.  God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

John 16:33 - I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation.  But take heart I have overcome the world.

I Love that last one!  "TAKE HEART I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD!"

We have learned in 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control".  Fear is not from God.

In Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

In I Peter 5:7 "Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

and in Matthew 6:25-27 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable that they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

We may never understand a person's last thoughts driving them to the brink.  But we know from these promises, which our Heavenly Father blessed us, that when we know Him; when we cast our fear, anxiety, worry, uncertainty on Him; He will give us Perfect Peace.  Not free from challenges, but only free from the bondage which keeps us from enjoying the blessings around us as we navigate the challenge.

So, from a woman who spent years living in a world of fear and anxious worry, give them to God.  Don't allow the darkness of this world to swallow you into it.  Walk into His Light and allow Him to give you the Perfect Peace He so wants to give.

Father, I pray for those who have taken their life, I pray that you have mercy on them and that you will comfort those left behind in their wake.  Only You know what leads them to this and only You can provide the comfort to let this go.  And for those in future who consider this as an option, I pray that You will send an Angel to them, someone who will be I John 4:7 to them "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God."  May we all know and understand Your Perfect Love and be able to share with those who do not.

Always your Obedient Daughter,
Eve

Walking in the Light

This morning I had such an amazing God Prompting opportunity!  God placed an unchurched friend in my path, whom I have known for quite a while, to ask me for help.  Not for a handout, but for a handup.  So I gave some suggestions and offered to help in several different ways and at the end God prompted me to invite him to church.  He tells me he doesn't go to church but oh by the way his daughter goes on Thursday nights and we begin to discuss what Thursday night looks like and share names of people whom she knows.  All good stuff.

Afterward, I considered the conversation and thought WOW what a small opportunity to do such a BIG THING!

I believe that we as Christians may sometimes forget the fear and uncertainty which can reign in the heart of one who doesn't follow Christ; how as we grow and search for our identity, we find ourselves simulating walking in the dark and searching for a light switch. 

This led me to look up the comparison of light vs dark and I happened upon a couple of interesting facts:
1- Photosynthesis is the process which plants use to capture and store energy from the sun.  This process takes the energy contained within light and converts it into chemical energy of bonds between atoms which power processes within cells.  This is the reason that our atmosphere contains oxygen.
2- The body also needs light to effectively perform.  The eyes process the light which objects reflect or give off which allows us to see.  And the body itself needs sunlight specifically to produce vitamin D which has a multitude of benefits so we can function properly.

In comparison:
1- Most Plants which find themselves in the dark rarely survive.  In fact, before dying they will slowly wither away before they finally give up.
2- The human body can survive without light; however a blind person must modify their lifestyle to accommodate the darkness and if a body does not get the right amount of vitamin D in the human body can create weakness, chronic pain, depression and fatigue even leading to cancer and diabetes.

So we can see the benefits of light in general to our world as we know it, now how does this relate to the Christian life?  

Well Ephesians 5:8-14 tells us:  ⁸ For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light ⁹ (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) ¹⁰ and find out what pleases the Lord. ¹¹ Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. ¹² It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. ¹³ But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 

Everything illuminated becomes a light . . .  So just like plants capturing and storing energy eventually using this light from the sun we also have the ability to capture and store light from each other through Christ and be able to pass it on to others who live in darkness!  WOW what an illuminating concept!

So what do we do with this?  Well Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:14 that "We are the light of the world.  A city set on a hill cannot be hidden."  In 1 John 1:7 we are told that "If we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus cleanses us from all sin."

So we have the opportunity to live "in the light of Jesus" and are able to "transfer the light of Jesus" to others through our relationships, through our fruits; always remembering that the light doesn't come from us but through us as a gift from our Heavenly Father.

So for my friend who lives in a life of uncertainty and fear, what are the benefits of my asking him to Church?  Well, He has the opportunity to hear the Word of God, to meet others who "Live in the Light" and to "Live in the Light" himself.  

The benefits of Living in the light as we have found in 1 John 1:7 is that we have the opportunity to fellowship with one another (inspiring and encouraging one another) and we have the truth of Jesus' Blood cleansing our sin giving us the promise of Eternal Life which is the greatest gift of all!

So, one chance meeting, one God prompt, one act of obedience leads to a seed being planted for God to water and hopefully allow another to walk out of the darkness of fear and uncertainty and find The Light which comes from Jesus for himself to include the beauty which comes with it.  

GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!

Thank you Father for infusing me with Your Light.  Please use me as a light to shine to others who may be in darkness so they also have the gracious opportunity to find eternity with You.

Your Obedient Daughter,
Eve

Self Esteem or High Esteem

I find the stages of life interesting.  Do you ever sit back and consider each stage and why you react to things the way you do?  Do you ever find it interesting that every generation suffers through the same tendencies of control in the name of independence and/or the need to reach out and seek love and acceptance?  Just in different situations?

I grew up in a financially poor family, but one full of hugs.  My dad was a very hard working individual, working 6 and sometimes 7 days a week just to put food on the table.  My mom was a homemaker for 1/2 of my childhood years raising myself and 3 of my sisters.  So as you can understand we had quite a bustling household.

My "self-esteem" issues began I think around 8.  This is when I started reaching out for affirmation that I was beautiful, smart, funny, and that I mattered to someone.  You know, all of the same things that every girl likes to feel.

As time wore on, my need for affirmation grew and in a society of Seventeen magazine and Jordache jeans (which we could never afford), I always felt under-loved and under-appreciated.  Now this isn't to say that anyone made me feel that way, mind you.  This was always my perception.

This need would follow me for many years.  This need changed my outlook on myself, on my life, the choices which I made, the people I hung out with, etc . . .  There were many tears, many moments of self pity and many prayers which sounded like "Lord, why did you make me this way?"

It grieves me to see the young ladies of today go through even a small ounce of this.  I will find myself saying quite often, "If I only knew then what I know today. . . . "

So I come to this conclusion, 1st- How can I help those find their worth?  2nd- What is it that I would tell that 8 year old girl from 32 years ago?

I think I would start with a couple of verses:

Psalm 139:14
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But He said to me:  "My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me..

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus..

Philippians 4:13
I can do All Things through Christ who strengthens me..

In these short verses we learn:  We are beautiful, God made us and therefore He made us beautifully.  It's okay to be weak, we are strong in Him.  Do not worry, lift up your worries to God, He will guard your heart and your mind.  I can do All things through Christ.

How to make an 8 year old understand these things?  A 16 year old?  A 21 year old?  A 30 year old?  Well first, they must have the relationship.  Then I believe these verses (and others which The Holy Spirit blesses) be memorized, placed on a mirror for daily introspection.  A mentor reminding and guiding in the way to develop and strengthen a relationship with Jesus.

I memorized Bible Verses when I was younger, but I did not understand the relationship until the last 10 years.  Does that mean you have to be an adult to have such relationship?  Absolutely not, but you must open your heart to Him first.  And as with any relationship, there is building involved.  Conversation (Prayer), Spending time Learning the Heart (Reading the Bible), Enjoying time together (Worship / Devotion).  These things learned whether at 8, 16, 21, 30 or even 40 like me will only develop the peace that much sooner allows you to live the Full and Beautiful Life God intended.

And the affirmation I was always seeking?  Well, the affirmation was always there, My Heavenly Father always thought I was beautiful, smart, funny, loved, appreciated.  I just couldn't see it because I was seeking it from other people, instead if from Him.  I traded my self esteem for His High Esteem.

I Love you Father, thank you for your creating me, for loving me and believing in me, thank you for washing away my self esteem so I can hold You in the Highest Esteem.

Your Loving Daughter,
Eve

Rushing Waters

So in a mire of muck, God has swooped me into the rushing waters once again.  We are now in our Prayer series at Church.  For multiple reasons, we are being challenged to dig deep into prayer.  I pray everyday, I even speak to God all day throughout the day, but this series is really "challenging" me to dig deeper.  Recognize God for the blessed Entity He is and to really give everything to Him.
I had a really difficult week last week and although a wonderful visit with my son, the aftermath was quite difficult.  You see he has accepted his term and he is doing well physically, but I think he is beginning to have a difficult time emotionally.  He is accustomed to being in the center of a big group and doesn't know how to be alone without being lonely.  And my aching mother's heart is breaking right now.  My biggest prayer today is that God wraps His Loving Arms around my son and shows him that he is never alone and that God will direct his path, he only needs to ask.  But I think that he is still hesitant.
So, there was a difficult request made this weekend, to which I weakly agreed.  Afterward, I knew the agreement was wrong and I quickly made the decision to reverse, but unfortunately we don't get to communicate and when he called me the next day sounding upset, I relented again.  By Monday, I was panicked and didn't know what to do.  So what did I do?  Well, my prayers directed me to God, give it to Him.  And I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."  

God is ever faithful.

So, within not even 5 minutes of this prayer / revelation, I received a phone call which led to a conversation which gave me my AHA moment.  Then a conversation with my husband wrapped it up like a bow.  I know that the final resolution may not be met with accepting ears, but I am praying that God will give the same peace which He afforded to me yesterday.

God provides.  

Never doubt it, all it takes is an honest request, an open heart and the faith / trust which allows Him to provide the blessing.  

Oh and remember, it may not always be the answer you expect, but He has a bigger plan than we could ever have for ourselves.

Father, thank You for your provision, thank You for the Love and Peace which you afford me each and every day.  Please reign this Love and Peace on my family and allow them the same.  Please continue to walk with us through this Journey.

Your Ever Loving Daughter,
Eve

Muddy Waters

I am currently living in muddy waters.  A good friend told me once that while sitting on the Chattahoochee, she noticed that the water in the middle was clear and the stones on the bottom visible and shiny.  Whereas the water on the shore was murky and stagnant.  We came to the conclusion that the rocks in the center were visible and shiny because of the water moving above them; whereas the shore was stagnant and yucky because the water didn't move.
So what do we do when we get stuck in muddy waters?  Stagnant and unmoving?  Do we jump out in the rushing water knowing that we will be carried downstream?  Do we fear the not-knowing of where we end up?  Or do we stay in the muddy waters, where it is murky and visibility is blurry or even non-existent?
I Love God's reassurance in Psalm 37:  

4- Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
7-  Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret
18- The blameless spend their days under the Lord’s care
23-24- The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him;
though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.
28- For the Lord loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones.
37- Consider the blameless, observe the upright; a future awaits those who seek peace.
40- The Lord helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him.

So, some lessons to take from His Word:
Delight in The Lord
Be Still Before the Lord
Wait Patiently For the Lord
DO NOT FRET
Spend the day under The Lord's Care
Allow the Lord to Uphold me in His Hand
Be Faithful to The Lord
Seek Peace
Take Refuge In The Lord

So, not anywhere do we read to hide and lay around in the muddy waters. . . In fear of the unknown . . . To become stagnant.  

So here I go, jumping in the center, Father Hold Me in Your Precious Hands, I Trust You to Carry me to the safe place You have for me.

Your Daughter,
Eve

The Joy Contagion

I often wonder upon the reasons God has done certain things.  Like why did He make the sky blue, why did He make trees green.  Why do some dogs have big heads and others small?  Why is the circulatory system repairable, yet the nervous system not?

And in His Great Glory, why did He create Human with free will?  Was it to create companions whom He knows are going to fall, but He allows to fall anyway because He knows that we must come to the precious discovery of our constant need for Him?

And in His Creation, He loved us enough to create companions for one another.  What was His great design?  When He created Adam and Eve to love one another, knowing their descendants to come would continue to create their own and so the Circle of Life goes.

On this beautiful day, did He see the Tree He was creating?  Well I'm sure He did, but do we?

We are all related in some way, even if just to be called Human.  We are all born of God's beautiful creation.  We may have different hair color, eye color, body shape and size, and even personality.  But we are all related.  We each have hopes, dreams,  good days and bad days.  We all experience fear and happiness.  And if we are really lucky, we learn to experience true joy.

In group today, we pondered the definition of happiness.  Is it a feeling or a state of mind?  And is it different from joy?  Well the consensus seemed to be that happiness is fleeting, momentary, but joy well that is down deep in your heart even your soul.

Joy = Peace.  To experience true joy in your life, there must also be a peace which you have to draw from.  Else it's easy to allow the challenges of life to drag you down and get in the way of the joy which God so wants for us.  In my life, in my experience, the Holy Spirit has blessed me with more peace / joy that I could ever ask.  By having lived an anxious and worried life, I know the difference.

So what do we do with that Joy?  Do we keep it for ourselves?  Or do we hide it away for a rainy day? You see, that's the kicker.  True joy can't be hidden, it must be shared, like a bright light in a dark night.  God blesses us with joy so we can share it - spread it to others so they can feel it too.  It's contagious.

So how do we share?  Well, I challenge you to start with your closest friends.  They may be family members, they may be best friends, church friends, school friends.  Share your joy with them.  Let them see you laugh, smile.  Encourage them, reach out to them and love on them.  Then venture out to those you may not be close to, you may not even know.  Give them a big Georgia smile and say "Hi, how are you today?" And if they turn away quite not sure what to say themselves, don't be discouraged, just move on to the next one.  You never know when you may brighten a person's day, even if they don't experience it in the same moment.

And you never know which part of the tree they reside, they may even be on the next branch . . .

Father, thank you for your beautiful creation.  Thank you for the tree of life we all get to reside.  May you be forever gracious in our lives and in the relationships we get to experience.  Please allow us all to remember The Good Samaritan on the road of life and be willing to share your Great Love with those we come in contact.

Your Loving Daughter,
Eve

Beautiful Skies and Geese in Flight

So I have found a new way to share devotion and worship.  Well, probably not a new way but new to me. . . .

Over the last 20 years I have found that cardio is the best way to stay in good health.  I may not be thin, but I can walk 3 miles without too much effort at 40 years old and for that I am thankful :)

I have been in quandary over my time management, how to do everything?  Work out, have devotion, work, be a small group leader, go to Bible Study, etc . . .   Something seemed to have to go, right?

So my decision was the work out.  I've had issues with meds anyway which have me taking a sabbatical.  But unfortunately my body will not agree to that, so I prayed about it and God asked "Why do you have to do away with this?  You can do both . . . "

"Do both?  How can I do both?  That would look silly, me talking to God and doing arm curls . . ."

"What about walking?  I gave you two feet but that doesn't mean your lips, your tongue, your hands or your head are busy . . . ."

So I pondered, can I do this?  Can I pray and walk at the same time?  WELL WHY NOT?

So I find myself walking 3 miles with my hands turned up, praying (yes out loud) to our Heavenly Father.  Sometimes singing.  And I have shouted out a couple of times :)

You may say this takes courage.  Well I disagree, first you have to learn not to care what others think.  Secondly, I'm talking to my FATHER!  The one who CREATED ME!  Never should I ever have doubt about conversations with Him regardless of location.

And for this I am so blessed.  God shares His beautiful landscape with me.  He knits together a patchwork of clouds among blankets of blue.  He shares trickles of a flowing stream for me to hear.  And while singing Rooftops quite loudly, He serves to fly a Flock of Geese in perfect formation overhead for my excited delight.

So if you see me walking down Sugarloaf Highway in seemingly deep conversation with myself, don't mind me, this is my worship :)

Thank you Father for your continued Grace and beauty!
Your Daughter
Eve

A Writer's Response

I have been pondering quite a bit lately about why I have been so inundated this year with the need to write.  Seriously, words coming at me like MACK trucks.  I have to have my trusty phone with me so I can record or make a note at any given time (children I'm not texting, but recording the words when driving . . . )

So is God Blessing me out of tragedy or is He challenging me with obedience?  He has certainly called me to it, of that I have no doubt (considering I don't have a creative bone in my body).  And when I go over the last 5-6 years of my life, He has consistently been nudging me to this place.

In small steps. . . . Now if you know me, you know that I don't do anything small.  I typically jump in with all (4) feet and (6) hands and bulldoze my way to the finish line.  Sometimes knocking everybody down in the process.

So it's not a surprise to find out that through the last years God is teaching me patience.  I am in love with the words of Justin Lathrop:  Learn more than you teach, Listen more than you talk, Add more than you take, care more than you are cared for.  In this little statement you can hear God whisper . . . "Patience . . . ."

So to get back to my need to write.  After 12 songs and 6 chapters of a book, I am at a crossroads.  You see I have been so excited to have God working through me that I find myself writing quickly to finish and move on to the next thing excited to see what He has next.  But maybe He is ready for me to slow down and soak in what I am writing.  That lends me to consider if I am writing to myself or maybe He is writing to me?  Wow, that's a thought which brings tears to my eyes. . . . Could He be so amazing and loving that He could write to me - through me?

Once again, I don't pretend to know the heart of God.  But I am so appreciative that He wants to share His Loving Heart with me.  Honestly if someone would have sat me down 30 years ago and explained the absolute peace which comes from a relationship with our Heavenly Father, well maybe I would have followed a different path. . . But then would I be where I am today?

Quandaries to Ponder . . .

But For Today, Dear Father thank you for your Love, for your continued blessing on my life and on the lives of others You Serve to Touch. . . .

Always your Loving Daughter,
Eve

Passion

So today I discuss passion.  What do you think of when you first see the word?

The best definition in dictionary.com to me is:  "Any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling. . ."  

Now relate that to your calling, to what you love to do more than anything else.

Do you know what that is?  Or are you still searching?

From the time I was 3 years old, I have wanted to sing and make music.  For too many years I allowed fear to keep me from developing into what God wanted for me.

When I had my surgery, I thought it was over.  I truly believed that I was being punished for the years I had allowed fear to keep me tied down.

Now, I have another chance.  And God is teaching me the music to go along with it.

So what do I do with this?  One day at a time, I listen, I learn, I glean information from others more experienced than I.  And I allow my passion to fuel the drive needed to let The Holy Spirit work in me.

Is the Holy Spirit creating this passion?  

I'm not sure, a great friend shared today "Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true." - Leon Joseph Suenens

Then another:  "Anyone can draw. Art is whether or not there is a scream inside waiting to get out." Quote from the play "My name is Asher Lev" 

Then Mary Whelchel from The Christian Working Woman has a series called "What do you have tied  up"?  where she goes into the truth that God gives us gifts and abilities which some of us tend to use for our own will or don't use at all (as I did for 20 years).  She goes on to teach that if we untie these gifts and abilities and give them back to the Lord how He floods our life with the greatest thrill and joy in life.

This describes my life for the last 6 months. . . .

So thankful to you Father for these things,

Your Daughter, Eve

What to do when the music ensues . . .

Up to song #11.  Think I have enough for an album lol :)  Wish my voice were as strong as the lyrics and melodies God is blessing me.

I have been reminded on several occasions that when God asks us to commit, He equips.  So, my prayer is that I will continually be obedient and will always give Him the Glory.  It is through Him that I have been blessed, not of my own accord!  He will open the doors which need to be opened and bless me with the talent and abilities which I need to be blessed so that His Name is glorified.

Of this I have no doubt :)

Thank you Father,
Your Obedient Daughter

Miracles and Little Sisters

I've waited a while to post this, but I am so thankful for the blessing I have been given in my sisters!  We don't get to choose our family, but God always has such a plan for us in the choosing of those who we get to spend our life's journey.  And if we are smart, we nurture these relationships, because they are what carry us for the long haul :)

This morning I read a beautiful teaching from Justin Lathrop
It's called "Connecting with People" - and I think it so relates to all relationships, including our siblings:
Learn more than you teach
Listen more than you talk
Add more than you take
Care more than you are cared for
Connect more than you meet

As I ponder these teachings, I am reminded of the miracle in my baby sister. . . .

In 1981, at the age of 30, my mom found out the beautiful news that she was going to have another child.  Child #5 of our family and, another girl :)  In 1982, a month premature, my sister came into the world and began her journey of changing the lives of everyone around her, even from an incubator.

Bouncing baby girl was an understatement!  She always was and always has been such a bright and shining star to everyone around her.  Through all of the challenges she has faced I have watched her carry each and every one with a beauty and grace which has been such a blessing in my life.

I had the honor of caring for her for several years in her teens.  Such a joy to have a girl in the house!  When my father became ill, she decided to return home to be with him in his final days.  After my father passed, she married a man almost twice her age.

Needless to say the years that followed were met with challenge, heartache and tragedy.  It was so very difficult to watch my sister in a life draining world, but I watched her wither away during this heart-breaking time.  In my 40 years, I am finally beginning to learn that you just can't live a person's life for them.  No matter how much you think otherwise.

In the lowest period of this time, she became estranged to us, moving to another state.  I didn't hear much but I prayed that God would watch over her, which He did.

I remember an afternoon driving home from work, listening to the radio, and I heard an interview with a person who claims to speak with the dead.  Now I am not a big believer in this, but I cannot dispute what I do not know / understand.  Anyway, the interviewee began sharing that they were hearing from a father of 4 girls, one very different from the other 3.  One sister estranged from the others.  My ears perked up, that sounded familiar!  Then he began to talk about a great angst from the father, he was angry, the sisters needed to work to bring the estranged sister back to the fold!  As soon as I heard this, I called my mom.  One of my others did the same as she had heard the same story.

Soon after, my mom worked to get into contact with my estranged sister.  Over time, she returned home.  WHAT A BLESSING!  Sparing the details, if she had not left the life she had been living, she would probably not be here today.  I don't pretend to think that our efforts saved her life, but I firmly BELIEVE that God's did.  He is so GOOD!

Over the course of the years to follow, I watched her become her old self again.  It was like the old had washed away, she had become new.  Just like Jesus promised!  In 2012, I was so blessed to see her baptized.  It was a beautiful day!

To dial back one year, my family has a familial neuro-endocrine disease called paraganglioma.  In February 2011, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself late at night and decided to search the word "Paraganglioma" on the internet.  Now, I have done this several times over the last 9 years since my original diagnosis, but this time I came across a blog called "Adventures with Tomas (the tumah)".  I thought this was interesting :)  I proceeded to read a funny accounting of a beautiful lady in Washington who had the same disease.  Now, please note that I have always been told of the "rarety" of this disease, so I was ecstatic to find another like me!  I proceeded to email the author who wrote back the very next morning.  She was also glad to hear from me!  She gave me very good advice and recommended I contact NIH in Bethesda Maryland, as they had a protocol for this very disease.  Now it is also important to know that I have been avoiding this since my surgery in 2007.  Through every major surgery I have had, I have lost something.  I am not open to losing anything else.  After about 5 months, I finally decided to contact NIH and exactly a year after contacting my sweet friend, had an appointment for a full workup.  The one question the DR asked of interest was, tell me about your family.  I proceeded to tell him about one of my sisters who had been diagnosed and treated previously, but no others that I knew of had been diagnosed.  Well, he wanted to see them anyway.

Coming home, I proceeded to give my family the news, that they could prepare to get on the health rollercoaster which I have been traveling for the last 9 years.  My sister who had been  such a joy to me mentioned that she had noticed her glands seemed to always be swollen.  So I felt of her neck and knew right away, she had dual Carotid Body Tumors.  I told her, "You need to go to NIH".  Within a month, she was in front of Dr Pacak.  A month later in surgery.

Now, you may ask me, I see how this blog is about little sisters, but where is the miracle?  Well, to finish the story, her surgery went longer than expected.  Several hours longer, in fact.  I had journeyed to NIH to sit with her husband during surgery.  We were both quite anxious of course, there was a complication.  After the surgery was over, the surgeon came out and explained that the tumor was much larger than expected and had metasticized into her lymph nodes.  OH NO, malignancy, C-A-N-C-E-R, was all I could think.  I asked him, did you get it all?  The answer was YES!  As far as we know, it did not spread, a pathology report will confirm.  Wow, I almost fell to my knees when I realized how close my sister could have come to losing her life to cancer had she not come to this wonderful place!

So from the premature birth, to the saving of her life from a difficult marriage and finally to finding cancer when there was no knowledge of such, God has served to remind us that one life is such a blessing.  Enjoy each moment you have, seek out the wonderful life He has planned for you and Love those He has placed in your life.  The peace, the happiness and the realization of a beautiful life can be yours.

And sisters, I Love you, thank you for being in my life :)

Goodbye My Son, For Now

My son was moved on Thursday Night.  When I was pregnant with him, I remember thinking that God had given me such a beautiful gift with which to be responsible for.  What I failed to understand was that it wasn't forever.

A very wise friend told me that "Your children are born for you to let them go."  This is so true, but the most difficult thing I have ever done.

I recognize that he has made a mistake which he needs to pay the price.  But I promise that we as the family are paying the price too.  A reminder that your actions and your reactions WILL affect those around you, have no doubt.

It's okay, really it is; because this is something he must go through.  As mentioned before, there is a blessing on the other side, I just know it.  And we have to trust and recognize that God is always faithful especially in the darkest moments of our days.  And we must be there with him, to love, to encourage, to remind him that he is thought of and loved daily.

I am amazed but there are thousands of families out there who just give up.  How do you do that?  How do you love a person, raise them, teach them, give them everything they need then just give up?  But it happens.  There are 55,000+ people in the prison system currently, I wonder how many feel the sting of a family which gives up on them?  Well I won't do it.  As long as God gives me breath, I am here for him and will love him unconditionally.  Jesus loved me as such, who am I not to pass on the gift?

So today, I ask for my friends and family to pray for Lee.  He is in a dark place, but our Heavenly Father is with him.  Lord, please hold him in your precious arms and remind him that You are His King.

Your Loving Daughter,
Eve

Life Without Faith

Today I am pondering a life without Faith.  How does one handle the bumps, bruises and outright trauma in life without having Faith to help you through?  Let me tell you a secret, I have lived many years worried, fearful and anxious about things that are completely out of my control.  And while it is easy for others around you to give great advise about not worrying, the truth is that it is very difficult to put into action.....without Trust and Faith that is.

I wish I could shout out to everyone about the grace I have been bless with.  The worry, fear and anxiety is mostly gone to be replaced with a peace which is by far the greatest thing I have every known.

What is peace?  Being able to breathe long and slow and feel it in every pore of your body.  Being able to sing in the rain.  Being in the middle of a storm (figuratively) and put your arms out and your head up and Thank our Heavenly Father for every breath, every blessing and smile.  Yes Smile.  You can be in the middle of the storm and smile when you have Peace.

How to obtain Peace?  Well the only way I know is a relationship with our Heavenly Father.  Seeking Him, Accepting His Grace and Living it every day.

Through Illness, Brain Surgery, Multiple Tumors, Loss of Family, my son's incarceration I can sing in the Rain. . .

Thank you Father, your Love and Grace keeps me eternally whole. . .

E

My sweet Grandma is in the hospital.  Such a beautiful lady, she has led a wonderful life and I am so proud to call her mine.  God has blessed us with each other.

Needless to say, Song #6 is on the way.  Apparently, my emotion and my empathy are the catalysts which God uses to bring me words.

#ObedientlyHis

Have a great day!

Well I'm up to song #5- this is so much fun!!!  The greatest part is the relationship I am building with my Heavenly Father.  I have called Him God and Lord for so many years but just recently have I recognized Him publicly as Father.  Is that a bad thing?  Well better late than never.

He is so inspiring me to get outside of my box.  Again, not sure where this is going, but I know that God is right there with me!

Thank you Father for walking with me, for inspiring me to be better than I could ever imagine on my own.

You are my inspiration!

E

Today I had my first jam session with my sweet friend Keller!!  So blessed to be part of whatever God is doing . . .  The funny thing is I was afraid for so many years.  Afraid of society's rejection, afraid of mistakes, afraid of not doing a good job with the talent God gave me.  But at the end of the day, there is no right or wrong way.  Only God's way.  And He wants me to enjoy and share the talent He has blessed me with, whether that be with one person or many I do not know.  But I am sure He will share this with me :)

Thank you Lord for continuing to pour into me even when it is difficult for me to Love myself.  You are my biggest Cheerleader.  Please forgive me for not seeing this sooner.

Your Loving Daughter, Eve

Such an incredible God prompt!  I have been reading "A New Kind of Normal" by Carol Kent.  Such an awesome read!!!  Anyway, the book is a true story about God's grace through an incredibly difficult time in a couple's life.  Through the story is interwoven the story of Mary and her never-ending Faith even in the midst of great challenge and tragedy.  Toward the end of the book, the author speaks a prayer asking that God grant her the strength that Mary had and specifically called out the verse Luke 1:38 . . . Be it unto me according to thy word . . . .  

This was so encouraging to me, I honestly have never really considered the sacrifices which Mary had to make so that Her Son, My Savior could save my life and the lives of others.  I wrote down my own version of this prayer and spoke the words from Luke 1:38.  My goal is to read this prayer every day :)

Anyway, today when I turn on the daily preaching from Dr. Mark Rutland, GUESS WHAT HE WAS PREACHING ON????? LUKE 1:38!!!!!!

I am so blessed to have a God who speaks to me, Loves me, gives me the direction and instruction I need, when I need it.

Thank you Lord for this blessing and all of the others you continue to reign down on me. 

You humble daughter,

Eve

Oh my goodness but I have written a song :).  Do you know I have wanted to do this for 20 years . . .  With the challenges we have been faced over the last 4 months, I have just been inundated with words, phrases, melodies.  God is at work!  So what to do?  Well, write it down of course!

It may never go past this point, God may want to use it to help another . . . As always trusting in His Perfect Will to define this task.

Now to find someone to help me with the accompaniment . . .

Have an awesome day!!!

Beauty a day at a time . . .

Visited my Grandmoma today. . . .   She is such a beautiful person.  A devout Christian, she has played an incredible role of guidance and love in my life.  One of my greatest Cheerleader's and family member who taught me how to hug and love my family, teaching me the Love of Christ in a family setting.  She paid for my Christian School, sent me to LA to visit my Aunt in my 7th grade Summer.  A light of sunshine in a world of defeat, she taught me to always look to the bright side for any situation.

She is in her 80's now, and her health is not so great.  How hard it is to watch someone you love not feeling well.  But as always, we never give up.  God has such plans for her, for here and the hereafter.  She has been a servant of whom I know God is well pleased and although I will miss her when she leaves this earth one day, I know that she will be in the best of hands.  And there will be a party held in her honor.

Until then, we must make every day count. For her.  For us.  This is the way God planned.  God blesses us with one another here on earth, not forever, but for short moments added up to a beautiful life full of Love and Hugs.

Love you Grandmoma, you are my inspiration :)

Weakness for Strength

I am sad this morning. . . I had a dream.  Isn't it funny how dreams tend to bring you down?  One bad dream can ruin a whole day.  Wonder if that's the plan??

Anyway, to explain.  My son is going to prison.  He has been incarcerated for a crime which he did not commit, but he was party to (he was the driver.)  I say that not to make my son look any less guilty, because he has to pay the price for his part, but to make sure it is understood that my son has a beautiful helpful heart.  And in this instance, he allowed it to take him down a long a lonely road.  My rabbit trail . ..

He has been sentenced to 20 years, 8 years in prison and 12 additional on probation.  The 8 years will probably be cut to around 65% if he is a model prisoner.  WOW, hurts to see it in writing :(.  But I am convinced he has been blessed.  You see, he has chosen to live a lifestyle over the past 5 years which has led him down a lonely road of immediate gratification and a chosen life without God.  Choosing to live without God doesn't necessarily mean He isn't ever in your life, but I truly believe that if you don't choose Him then the Holy Spirit cannot be there to help you in these decisions.  And remember the Holy Spirit is a "helpmate", a "filter", One who is there to comfort and to strengthen when life gets tough.  An internal spirit meant to keep the loneliness at bay, to help you see Jesus and His amazing sacrifice, and be the gift that He intended.  My son chose not to believe, and now here we are.

Since his incarceration, he has been saved!  PRAISE GOD!!  He is enjoying sobriety!  PRAISE GOD!!  And He is recognizing this as an opportunity to change his life PRAISE YOU DEAR LORD!!!!!

All of these things are wonderful :)  And God is truly GREAT!  But for a mom who watched her child learn to talk, learn to walk, took care of him in his sickness and shared in his happiness, well this is the MOST DIFFICULT experience of my life.  And I've had brain surgery lol!!

I have trouble going to public places where there are kids his age, where there are boys around the age of 10-12 and seeing young parents with babies.  I know this is a selfish attitude, but it hurts so badly to see the what if's.  Does this mean his life is over?  Thankfully no.  There are people who are in for life for this charge.  But God and the court system saw fit to have mercy and only give him 8 years.  But sadly, it doesn't stop the tears, nor the dreams.  Since this happened almost 4 months ago, my dreams have been bad.  I typically don't dream, if I do, I don't remember them.  But lately I remember every one. . .  Last night's dream I watched my 10-12 year old son be dragged away in chains.  He wasn't screaming nor crying, but just looking at me with those sad eyes which break a moma's heart.  I woke up crying.

Why do I share this?  Well I believe we all have our own moments of anguish and despair.  It is truly in these moments that we can reach up to Jesus and ask for His precious healing.  He can wipe away the tears and replace them with a smile.  Just as I would have done for my little boy.

A beautiful blessing will come out of this, I just know it.

Thank you Lord, You are my provider,
Your Daughter

Good Morning all . . . just a short note this morning.  It's funny how one statement from a person of authority can affect your day.  Then I recognize that my Heavenly Father is my ultimate authority and that makes it all better . . .  Thank you Lord for your incredible Grace and reminder of your never-ending Love :)

Today is the first day of the rest of my life . . .

Well, I guess it starts today!  No better time than the present, right???

For whatever reason, I feel compelled to do this.  Maybe nobody will ever read these posts, but I have been so blessed and feel an incredible need to share!

The last 40 years have passed so quickly.  I grew up in a financially poor family but a family rich in Love and hugs.  :)

I was the oldest of four girls, well five really (Barbie passed when I was 6 and she was 3.  My living sisters are Jennifer, Patricia and Amanda (in that order.)  My mom is Linda and my dad was John (He passed in 2000.)  My dad worked every day of the week.  He gave all of us an intense desire to work hard and be loyal to our employer.  Of this, I am very grateful.

I met my husband when I was 15, I knew immediately he was my soulmate.  We were together for 3.5 years before our first son Lee was born.  We were married 6 months later.  There is a great deal more to this 3.5 year courtship, but the cliffnotes version will do for now. . .

I grew up in the church but there was a meltdown which caused my family to walk away.  It was very sad looking back on it now, to place your hopes and Faith on a building and it's congregation rather than the God which holds it all together.  But it was what it was . . .

My husband and I went to Church in our teens together, but when we were married we took a sabbatical.  One which would serve to make life very difficult in the years which followed. . . God was still faithful, even through the days when I wasn't.

The year after my first son was born, my husband joined the Navy.  One of the best things he ever did for himself when we look back on it.  It was so difficult during the experience.  I have a great deal of respect for military families.  They serve in such an amazing capacity.  I am very grateful for those who sacrifice their lives, their families and their time away from family so that I can live in a free country.

Two and a half years later, my 2nd son was born.  Being a mom has served to be one of the greatest accomplishments of my life.  God has so blessed me with 2 beautiful children who have beautiful hearts.  I am so thankful for their impact on my life.  My only regret is that it was too short . . .

My husband was honorably discharged from the Navy in 1995.  He was set to be an officer, but he felt a calling instead to be a full time husband and father.  I was very thankful for this sacrifice he made so we could be a family.  Again God is so Faithful.

I currently work with a Mechanical Contractor in Duluth.  This was another amazing blessing which I must share.  You see, I worked for a Sheet Metal fabricator in Oakland, California.  Before my husband was discharged I decided that I wanted to work for a Mechanical Contractor.  The multi-facets of the organization were interesting to me.  So I sent my resume down to the Atlanta office and asked them to pass it around.  I received one phone call, from the then controller who interviewed me over the phone. We talked for about 45 minutes or so and he scheduled for someone to come meet me in California in person.  The day of the "meeting", I came down with a fever of 103 but still managed to show up at the designed time.  He did not.  Which ended up being another blessing in disguise.  Honestly if he had, I would not be where I am.  So I called the controller who asked, "Well when can you start?"  So the day after July 4th in 1995, I started working at an incredible place to work.  Another great blessing of which I am thankful.

Through the years, we watched our children grow and we also grew in our careers.  I went back and forth about the whole working mom thing.  But honestly, I felt like I was a better mom working and spending quality time after hours then one working from home.  It was a personal decision which I felt God asked of me.  Understandably, everyone is different :)

About 10 years or so ago I felt a calling to be back in Church.  I was sharing with a friend today that it is so funny how things work out.  I remember going to my current church now when they were a small church on Collins Hill, then again when they were in a larger church on Buford Drive and now we are full time attendees at 12Stone in Lawrenceville.  I spent 4 years trying to convince my husband of my need to be back in Church.  After 4, I stopped trying to convince him and started praying.  Apparently, God is much better at convincing than I am :)  It was awesome to watch my husband take a stand and bring his family to the Church.

In the last 5 years, the family who had to "decide" whether to get up on Sunday morning became the family who never miss unless we are out of town and even then we have to share in the online service (thankfully we have one . . . )  Why do you ask?  Well this is where the real story begins . . .

So 41 years or so ago, my Heavenly Father created me.  He created me to be a part of something much bigger than myself.  I have often heard it called "The Living Tree."  What is that exactly?  Well consider a tree . . . the roots, the trunk, the branches, the leaves / flowers . . .   We are all part of a living spiritual connection which is connected to our Heavenly Father who created us for His Glory.

I was saved when I was about 12.  I was baptized about 4 times I think.  I suffered from the "guilt syndrome" which caused me to feel the need for "continuous cleansing" after.  I remember in my teen years feeling like I just didn't want to be tied down to rules and didn't want someone telling me what life to live.  Remember the sabbatical?  Well that was just one of those decisions I guess I had to experience "OUCH!"  I actually went to Christian School for 3 years, memorized many Bible Verses, Christian Songs but didn't know what to do with any of them. . .  During those years; however, I do remember that my dad carried such incredible faith and it was amazing to watch him witness to people. To this day I will never forget the Saturday afternoon Church Bus visitations . . .

It's really been about 5 years since I have really started to seek God in my life again (remember He has been with me all along, it was I who walked away . . .)  And what has followed has been such an incredible journey . . .

We, as a family, started going to 12Stone after they moved into the new building.  It was a rebirth for them and for me / our family.  Slowly we started to integrate ourselves into this 12,000 people congregation.  And I feel more ingrained and closer to God than any other Church, small or large which I have been a part of.  You see, I am learning to seek God.  I am learning that God is not in a building, but instead in the hearts of the inhabitants which fill the building.  I am learning that God created us to Love us and to give us a life beyond anything we could ever imagine.

Through Small Groups, Serving and my next step . . . To find a Paul to my Timothy.   I am working to become the Godly daughter of God which He has designed me to be.  Never perfect, but always striving to be more like Christ.  So that one day I can face Him and He will say . . . My good and Faithful servant . . .

Have a great week!

Well, that's all for now.

Blog Intro

Hi! My name is Eve and this is my first blog. I am blogging to bring awareness to the amazing Love of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. You see I have been incredibly blessed in so many ways and I think the best thing to do is share with everyone so others can also know his love!!